


Finding You

by purecamp



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: ?? - Freeform, M/M, remember that fight lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 10:23:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12430800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purecamp/pseuds/purecamp
Summary: in which the infamous willam and courtney fight is explored, and perhaps the root of it all is jealousy?





	Finding You

**Author's Note:**

> A/N – I, like a horrific government employee, enjoy capitalizing on things that are stressing us all out in order to gain attention.
> 
> (this is a note from nymph for the light of my life pureCAMP to say i love you the most and i hope everyone reads this because i cried and as we all know i am heartless)
> 
> ^^ this is the artificialqueens a/n that i wrote at the time. this was written and posted aug 25th 2017

Right when it had all kicked off, Alaska had told Willam and Courtney fair and square. She wasn’t going to take sides, she wasn’t going to get involved, she’d sit back and let them do their thing. Interfering never worked – this was something Alaska knew well. If they wanted to fight, fine. They could fight. As long as it didn’t get in the way of Alaska’s main priority, their newly-formed band, they could fight as much as they wanted.

And it had worked. They argued when Alaska wasn’t around, caused stirs on social media, hashed things out the way drag queens do best – dramatically. Alaska was content to let them just deal with it, uninterested in their petty, mysterious drama, until it had gone too far.

Something had happened on the tour bus whilst Alaska was out picking up some snacks, she knew it. The air was filled with that tense silence, the one that not even Alaska could break. As much as she could try and start a conversation with one of them, or bring up a universal topic they could all chat mindlessly about, nothing happened. Both were clearly fuming over something, but Alaska was fucked if she knew what. Their whole fight meant nothing to her. She, along with everybody else on the fucking internet, had no idea why they were fighting. But she’d had enough of it.

So it had been tense. That was fine, Alaska could cope with that. Hell, she’d been the source of months and months of tension, way back when on the BOTS tour. Whether Willam and Courtney had broken up, that she didn’t know, but their behaviour certainly reminded her of her own. Still, she made the foolish mistake of assuming they’d remain professional, as they had so far, and continue with the show.

Oh, how wrong she’d been.

“Courtney, do you have any more of that super pretty rainbow glitter? I lost mine back in Colorado.” Alaska drawled, amused at her half-painted face in the mirror.

Courtney handed hers over. “Don’t use it all, I still want some.”

“Thank you! Willam, isn’t this glitter so pretty?”

Willam barely glanced at the makeup product in Alaska’s hand, nodding stiffly and resuming her beat. The two blondes were seated either side of Alaska, facing away from each other, with Alaska left in the middle like the single child in the midst of a divorce. At the very least, Alaska thought to herself, her and Sharon didn’t have any tragic lovechildren left behind in their wake of their breakup.

Their stupid fight was causing more stress than Alaska wanted to admit. She felt torn between wanting to smack them both upside the head, wanting to shake Willam until she stopped being a dick, and wanting to throw out their phones and lock them in a room together. They’d unwittingly dragged Alaska into the feud with every mention of the AAA Girls that cropped up, leaving Alaska to feel strangely alone and distressed. If she spent too much time with Courtney, would Willam get pissed at her? If she went to Willam for a chat before Courtney, would Courtney think she was taking sides?

It was ridiculous. They were grown men – though none of them were particularly masculine, the point still stood – and yet they were arguing like teenagers. They had fans to please, shows to perform, a perfect facade of fame and friendship to keep up.

Alaska didn’t know who she was more annoyed at, despite trying her best to look at them both in the same positive light as she had before. Willam, for one, had made the feud known to everyone. She was the one openly claiming she was pissed at her, unfollowing her social medias, throwing shade in that cutesy trademark Willam way. On the other hand, Courtney hadn’t said anything, somewhat playing the angel in a situation Alaska knew involved her as much as Willam. If the nightly screaming matches were anything to go by, Courtney had played her part too.

“Willam, can you lace me up please?” Alaska turned her back to the queen, gesturing to her loose corset.

“Sure. Let me know if you want it tighter or looser. Love the wig, bitch.” Willam commented.

Alaska ran her fingers through her hair and smiled. “Some give like fifty blowjobs for a lacefront like thiiiiis!” She sang in a low voice, hardly even thinking.

Behind her, Willam stiffened. “Done.” She said abruptly.

Of course, Alaska thought. She’s so fucking touchy that if you bring up the song you’re going to be singing later, which happens to be about a wig company that Courtney co-owns, Willam will get pissed. This is just great.

The entire time they’d been getting ready it had been like that – cold, awkward. Alaska felt as though she were walking on eggshells in high heels, an elevated version of the usual idiom. Nothing she said was right. One thing upset Courtney, another irritated Willam. There was just no winning.

Regardless, she pushed on. For the most part, the show had being going well, other than the fact that her two counterparts had refused to interact on stage, at all. It wasn’t like Alaska hadn’t expected it; she was willing to put in the extra legwork and be energetic enough for both of them if it meant some of the drama would die down a little. Then things had taken a turn for the worse.

See, Willam and Courtney had been playing an unspoken game. On stage, they acted as though their fight was a joke. Willam would read Courtney, and Courtney would smile wide – the kind of smile that deliberately indicated bitterness and hatred. It was something akin to a Sharon vs Phi Phi dynamic, only cuntier and more dramatic. Fans went wild watching them, and Alaska would laugh to herself… until she came off stage, and the dynamic worsened to full on arguments.

That was exactly what they’d been doing that night, until it went a step too far.

“Thank you so much for all the love!” Courtney called out. “You’re all amazing, and-“

Willam cut her off. “How is she though?!” She tossed her head, the fans screaming as her wig flipped over her shoulders.

Obviously irritated by her vanity, Courtney spoke up. “You just interrupted me!”

“Whatever, bitch.” Willam laughed, snorting the way she always did. “Someone had to. You know in the end of Tuck Tape, where the song trails off to Courtney talking? That’s actually how this bitch talks. It’s never ending. Someone has to shut her up.”

The laughter that followed was nervous, like the fans didn’t know whether they should be laughing or not. Alaska stood in the centre of the stage, her heart pounding. Was tonight going to be the night they blew up in public? If so, she wasn’t sure how she was going to deal with the fallout. She gripped her microphone nervously, twisting it between her fingers as she watched the interaction.

“How is everyone tonight?” Alaska butted in, desperate to ease the situation in the only way she knew how. Talking to the fans, addressing them and practically begging for their love. When there was a problem, she could always rely on crazed fans to fix it.

The loud cheering that followed her question appeared to have worked to silence the argument. Both of the queens either side of her fell quiet, letting the audience scream their love towards the three.

“Oh, shut up Willam.”

Fuck. Alaska couldn’t control her features in time, her face contorting into a wince as she watched Courtney – sugar-sweet, typically kind Courtney – snap back at Willam.

Willam’s eyes narrowed. “You really think I’m gonna listen to you? Cute, that’s real cute.”

“Fuck you.”

Of course, to fans the argument didn’t sound that intense. Sure, it was a little awkward, but it was just forced, right? They were just drumming up some excitement for their tour, trying to get talked about on social media, that was all. However, Alaska felt her heart drop into her stomach. She was the one noticing the subtle changes in the tones of voice, the angry glances, the cocked eyebrows and clenched fists. Things were definitely going to escalate – and quickly.

With her parting blow, Courtney tossed the microphone to the floor, the sound equipment emitting a horrible squeal as it landed, and stormed off the stage. A loud gasp swept across the arena as it dawned on the crowd that maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t fake after all. Panicked, Alaska set down her own microphone in the stand and bolted after her friend, not bothering to check if Willam was going to follow or not. If her prediction was correct, Willam would be behind her shortly – most likely to continue the argument.

Upon the frantic questioning from Alaska, the crew behind the scenes managed to provide her with some vital information. One, Courtney was angry. Two, she wasn’t in the dressing room. Three, she had ran outside, which meant she was most likely fuming in the tour bus. Brilliant. There was nothing like an enclosed space to bring out the worst in a fighting drag queen. Again, Alaska knew this well.

“COURTNEY!” Alaska made the mistake of yelling, bursting through the fire doors that led out into the car park. Instantly, a horde of fans were upon her, descending down in an unholy chorus of ‘Hieeee!’s and outstretched hands clutching Sharpies.

Alaska pushed through them as best as she could, stammering apologies and excuses as she fought her way out. Usually she would never say no to a fan wanting an autograph, reasoning that it was a minute or two of her life that may seem trivial, but meant the world to those dedicated kids. Even so, the logic this time dictated that if she didn’t refuse and run to the bus, she might have to arrive to a destroyed tour bus, an angry Courtney, and an equally angry Willam squaring up for a fight.

Finally, the fans ceased their swarming, Alaska forcing her way through the last of them as the tour bus loomed ever closer. As quickly as she could in her huge shoes, she ran up the steps to the door, typing in the passcode with her nails and dashing inside.

“Courtney!” She yelled again, her voice desperate. Her eyes landed on the Australian queen, red in the face and breathing heavily. Some papers that Alaska guessed had once been on the table were now scattered in disarray across the floor.

“COURTNEY!” Came another yell, this one angrier rather than desperate. Willam wasn’t far behind.

Shit. Alaska had to act fast. Her mind started racing, but before a solution could come into fruition, Willam burst onto the bus.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve just done, you stupid little slut?! You’ve basically ruined this entire fucking tour and our careers as we know it! Are you fucking happy yet, Courtney? Have you done enough? Or is there something else you’d like to fuck up?” Willam’s eyes were glowing with hatred, her skin mottled with fury.

Courtney scoffed. “Oh, I’m the stupid slut here?! Have you ever looked at yourself, or is it too confusing to see someone who looks just like you in the mirror? Can you even comprehend the function of a reflective surface, or do you just see something shiny with your face on it and go ‘Ooh, pretty!’”

“Stop changing the fucking subject! You know exactly why I’m fucking mad at you, don’t try and pretend this has anything to do with fucking vanity or some shit!”

Try as she might, Alaska couldn’t muster a single word. She stood in between the pair, watching them fight.

“Of course I know! How could I not?! You’re so fucking see-through, Willam!” Courtney shouted, raking her hands through her hair in frustration. “You’re jealous because I decided to do something about my lonely love life and find somebody with MTV! That’s why you’re so fucking pressed!”

Alaska frowned. “Wait-”

“Shut it, Alaska.” Willam cursed. “You think I’m jealous?! Oh, sweet lord above, give me strength. Why the fuck would I be jealous of you?! What do you have that I don’t?!”

Courtney was trembling. “A life outside of the fucking friends-with-benefits bullshit, that’s what I have that you don’t! You’re obsessed! We hashed this out a long time ago, Willam! You said it yourself! No feelings, no strings, no nothing! You’re not my fucking boyfriend! I’ve done nothing wrong!”

There it was, the truth. After so long of arguing, so long of not knowing why they were so angry at one another, it was coming out. It was as if a plug had been pulled, and now everything was spilling out of Courtney and Willam beyond their control.

Alaska couldn’t believe it. What was she even supposed to focus on? Her best friends and their – supposedly former – friends-with-benefits contract? The fact that Willam was jealous of Courtney going on dates? Courtney’s sheer anger?

“I – what? This is what this arguing is about?” Alaska cried in disbelief.

Willam ignored her. “Christ, Courtney, I know I’m not your fucking boyfriend! But we talked about this! Anything relationship-y happens, we break this shit off for good! You don’t just – you don’t just run off to go be single on MTV and then still get to reap the benefits from me, fucking leading me on!”

“Leading you on?!” Courtney mocked. “Well fuck me, now I’ve heard it all! How am I leading you on?! Do you have some kind of fucking crush on me?!”

Willam faltered. Alaska seized the opportunity.

“GUYS! Will you shut the fuck up? I can’t believe you’re arguing over a fucking friends-with-benefits pact gone wrong!” She exclaimed, looking between the two.

Willam’s face twisted into an evil snarl, her fiery gaze honing on on Alaska. “Oh, don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m fucking feeling.” She spat maliciously. “Everyone knows about you and Sharon, and I know for a fact it tears you up inside to watch her flirting, kissing or fucking with other guys. You know exactly how this feels.”

Alaska froze.

That was a low blow. How did Willam know about her and Sharon? Had she been told? Did she just pick up on the chemistry between them? A mixture of panic and anger bubbled up inside her, creating waves of nausea in the pit of Alaska’s stomach. If Willam knew, who else knew? Who had she told, if anyone?

“I-I-” She stuttered, suddenly shell-shocked. “ H-How did you – but we’re not – and –”

“That’s right.” Willam sneered. “It’s common knowledge to everyone with a functioning brain that you and Needles haven’t been able to let each other go. But you’re the one with the emotional ties, aren’t you? She doesn’t care about you. That’s why it ended all those years ago.”

Tears filled Alaska’s eyes. “You’re lying. She does care about me.”

“Oh, really? I think you care about her more than she’ll ever care about you.” Willam laughed cruelly. “I bet it killed you seeing us together. You saw us kiss at West 5 during London Pride, I know it made your blood boil. But she cares?”

“She does!” Alaska insisted, a pain in her chest. “She does care about me, I know it.”

“Funny, she said the exact opposite when she was inside me. Guess she’s as good as Courtney when it comes to lying to get what she wants.”

The tears that had been threatening to spill over finally broke free, rolling down Alaska’s cheeks as Willam’s words appeared to have their desired effect. Her hands flew to her mouth, trying to cover her trembling lips as the carefully-shaded eye makeup she’d applied earlier disintegrated into black tear-tracks that stained her foundation.

At the same time, Courtney saw red. “Are you done ruining lives?! Look at what you’ve done to Alaska, look how much you’ve upset her! She was the one thing keeping us two afloat in this fucked up little dispute and now you’ve gone and hurt her, too! When will enough be enough?!”

Alaska’s vision was blurry from her tears, her shoulders shaking, but she heard the telltale choked-up quality to Willam’s voice that indicated she too had cracked.

“Why don’t you tell me, Court? Why don’t you tell me?” She replied, her previous anger fading into what sounded like sadness. “Why has it taken me hurting Alaska for you to see that I feel the same as she does?”

Courtney’s mouth opened in a silent gasp. “You… you what?”

“It hurts. It hurts that you don’t care about me like I care about you. Why is it that you didn’t see that until I’d hurt Alaska in the same way?”

Then, “Come here, girl.”

Alaska didn’t need telling twice, latching onto Willam and letting out the rest of her sobs. The older queen sighed and hugged her close, barely holding back her own tears as she rubbed Alaska’s back to try and comfort her. A little way across from them, hardly ten feet, Courtney’s gaze softened.

“I… I was afraid of looking. I was afraid if I looked to you I’d see something that I didn’t want to. I couldn’t – I couldn’t let myself get worked up on false hope that maybe, just maybe, you’d…”

She trailed off. “…care about me.”

There was a long pause. For one, prolonged moment, everyone took the time to process what they needed to. No jumping to conclusions. No arguing back. Just a moment of quiet, profound understanding. It was broken by Willam letting out a teary laugh.

“You bitch. Get over here.”

And then Courtney was running towards them, her arms wide open, enveloping both Alaska and Willam in an enormous hug, apologies spilling from her lips faster than any of them could comprehend. Just like that, in a moment, all of the pent-up anger and heartache was released. Both blondes wrapped their arms around Alaska, using her as a link like they always did, reuniting.

“I’m sorry, Lasky.” Willam sniffed. “I’m a h-horrible friend. I shouldn’t have – shouldn’t have lied and tried to hurt you like that. We all know that when it comes to you, Sharon’s as whipped as cream. Of course she cares.”

Alaska giggled in spite of herself. “Can I wriggle free so I can call her? Pretty please?”

Willam and Courtney shared a look, before laughing weakly and nodding. Untangling herself from their grip, Alaska made her way out of the embrace and smiled at her friends, watching how naturally their hands slipped into one another’s to be held. She collected her phone from where she’d left it on the middle of the table and dialled the familiar number.

“Any reason you’re calling me at five in the morning?” Came the grumbled greeting, blaring out of her phone’s speaker for the whole tour bus to hear.

Alaska pulled a face. “Oh shit, sorry! Did I wake you?”

Sharon must’ve noticed how thick Alaska’s voice sounded, because she didn’t answer the question. “You okay, doll? You don’t sound too good.”

“I’m – I’m fine.” Alaska reassured her. “I just – I wanted to ask something.”

She could hear the sound of bedsheets rustling. “Go ahead, baby.”

“Do you love me?”

Alaska instantly winced. Had she really pressed on about asking such a heavy question at five in the fucking morning? She was officially worse than all of Willam and Courtney’s fighting combined.

“Of course, pumpkin. Is something wrong? Everything okay? You can talk to me.”

Across from her, Alaska saw Willam start to laugh. “I’m fine. That’s all, but I gotta go now. I’ll call you back.”

After Sharon had said her goodbyes – another ten minutes down the phone, of course – Alaska hung up, turning to her friends with a smile.

“Well,” Courtney said. “There’s your answer. Pretty conclusive.”

Alaska’s phone buzzed with a twitter notification.

Willam - @willam – Aug. 24th

All’s well that ends well, I guess.


End file.
